Friday, June 8, 2012

Cy Turns One

Dear Cy,
I'm a couple weeks late in writing your letter because I kept waiting for a time when I wouldn't be so tired and I could focus a little better on the task at hand. Then I figured that if I wait for such an occasion, you'll probably be in college by the time it gets written. So, I settled for you and your sister both being asleep for nap time and the best case scenario of six hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. We'll take what we can get on this end.

I'm sitting here staring at the screen trying to think of how I can possibly sum up this past year in one letter. There's just so much to who you are. How can I contain it? To be honest, I say the same about you at times. You are a mischievous one for certain. Just thinking about that little glimmer in your eye makes me smile. Because it's part total recklessness and part heart-melting warmth. Sometimes when I rock you before nap time and bed time, and hold you on your side so we're looking at one another, I am just spellbound at what a marvelous miracle you are. Every time I just want to bottle that moment and hold it in my pocket to revist whenever I need a little glint of sunshine in my day. You are our little sweetness. Even when you're sick, nobody would even know if they didn't take your temperature. You may be a little fussy, but even your little fussy is vastly less than most babies on a good day.


Although I'm not so sure your sister would brag quite as much about your good nature. Your good nature has the strong desire to constantly invade Charlotte's space. On any given day, if anyone were to wait even five minutes, they'd invariably find you chasing after Charlotte with a big smile on your face and her running from you with a look of terror, shouting, "Cy NO!!". You LOVE your sister and want to be in everything on everything and touching everything she's presentl playing with. Or, alteratively, on HER. Currently, you two are separated in weight by about a half a pound, give or take, in your favor. So, when you try to pull up on her to practice your new walking skills, you consequently pull her down. Unfortunatey, I can't seem to convince her of the charming nature of this attribute. Maybe it's because more than half the time, you try to catch your balance by holding onto her hair and she ends up on the floor and you end up with a fist full of it in your hand, ready to charge her again. I'm reaching here, but maybe that's it.

You two do have good times together though and moments of great sweetness. The other day in the grocery store, you two were sitting together in the basket. You were wanting to show love to your sister by going for the ever-popular hair grab and she was about to lose her patience. She yelled and I repremanded you. After a brief moment of frustration, you seemed to collect yourself and then very lovingly rested your head on her shoulder. Charlotte reached over and patted your cheek sweetly and said, "it's okay Cy." Moments like those make me smile. There are also the times when I'm in the kitchen cooking and I hear it quiet in the house. Hmmmm. Ok, the knives are all here. The bleach is in the cabinet. The flour is in its bin.The bathroom door is closed. I realize all the major players are stored away, so I take the chance and let the quiet continue. A couple minutes later, I peek around the corner into your and Charlotte's room and see you two playing together. Your play consists of unloading every last piece of clothing from your clothing bins and relocating them to the dirty clothes hamper, the shoe in, Carlotte's bed, or under the crib. But at this moment I really don't care that I will invariably have to fold, stack, and replace these items for the tenth time today, because....you two are playing...together...quietly. This is a mother's happy place. Cy, daily, you are a very wonderful part of my happy place.


The birthday cake experience

 I know you hear the word "no" more than probably any other word that is uttered from my mouth on a daily basis, but I need you to know it is for your best. I know you really think the trash can is a great pace for the remote controls and that the potty is like your personal little water park and you can't understand why I would possibly take you away from your own private heaven. But, believe me, it's for your best. I know you think it's the funnest thing on earth to watch your sister slowly go bald one fistful of hair at a time and that rice crispies on the carpet really do add some much needed texture to the design scheme of our apartment, but it's best to leave Charlotte's hair alone and the rice crispies on the table. Believe me, it's for your best. I know you think I'm keeping you from the best fun possible when I take you down from the bookcase or out of the bathtub or out from under the bed or out of the ashes in the fireplace or put you down for bed. But, it's for your best. It's for your best that I tell you "no" and I know you don't understand it now. Hopefully one day you'll have a little boy of your own and you'll understand in a way I couldn't possibly explain to you now. If  were to give it my best shot, I'd tell you I say no to you becasue God says no to me, and it's the best thing he could ever do for me. God's "no" has kept me from more dangerous situations and bad decisions in my life than I could count. As you grow, Cy, if you're able to slowly trust our "no", you will be able to trust God's "no" so much more easily. And that would be the best gift I could ever give you.


Post-birthday cake experience.

You're walking now and showing off your skills more and more every day. The best part of it is seeing this excited look of pride on your face as you put one foot in front of the other and charge toward my open arms. You are still a bit tentative with it all though. At home, where you're at ease, you will walk everywhere, but when we go someplace new, it takes a while for you to gain the confidence to use your new skill. We went to your Aunt Kati's last weekend and for the two days we were there, you got upset even when I tried to put you up on your feet. Then, as soon as we got home, I set you down and you walked straight down the hallway into your bedroom. You little rascal!


I often hold you close and nuzzle your neck and whisper to you softly, "Don't ever grow up, okay? Don't ever grow up." You are just the sweetest little boy and no matter how big you get, I know there will be this part of me that will always see you as my little baby boy. You get into everything and you terrorize your sister for the larger part of the day and you are like a magnet to all that is dangerous and electrical, but I still adore you more than you'll ever know. You will always be my little man, my first little boy. I love you so very much and I know it may embarrass you as you get older, but I don't think I'll ever be able to stop holding you close.

Love,
Your Mommy

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